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The Value of Values

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THEVALUEOFVALUESType-Based Values for Each of the 9 Typesby Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhDThe Enneagram in Business Mini-Book“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” - Roy O. Disney

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Values are the guiding principles by which we live, or, atleast, they are aspirations that help us align our actionswith our principles. Without values, we would be living inan immoral or amoral world of interpersonal confusionand existential chaos. At the same time, too strong anadherence to our values can create a counter-effect ofpersonal and interpersonal difficulties. And too strong anidentification with these values keeps our type structuresin place, thus inhibiting our growth potential.The value of values

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Enneagram 1s, who are among the most value-driven ofthe nine types, emphasize three important values:improvement, honesty and responsibility. Improvement ofboth self, others, and their specific environment is ahallmark of type 1s. They often think or say the following:“It can always be better.” “I must constantly work on self-improvement.” “I’m not trying to criticize you, I’m onlytrying to help you improve yourself.” Enneagram 1s alsopride themselves for being forthright, yet respectful, andextremely honest. As 1s perceive themselves, they believethat say what they mean and mean what they say. Theyalso view themselves as more honest than most otherpeople; for 1s, not being honest puts them out of integrity.Finally, Enneagram 1s value responsibility. They are rarelylate for meetings or with delivering work. They will workthe extra hours to get work-products as high quality ashumanly possible.These three values – improvement, honesty andresponsibility – support the Enneagram 1 “ego ideal” ofbeing the “good person,” a person who is high integrity The value of values | type 1

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and beyond reproach. The “ego ideal,” according toEnneagram author and teacher Jerry Wagner, is theidealized self that people use as a positive definition ofself, a partial answer to the question “Who am I?”. Theissue is that while our type-based values are positive ones,we can hold onto these values so tightly and narrowly –after all, our idealized self depends on our firm belief inthese principles – that these values can becomeimpediments to our growth.ImprovementA constant focus on improving self, others and ourenvironment, does not allow for relaxation, ease of being,the experience of fun, or acceptance of self and others.The value of improvement helps explain why Enneagram1s often having to go away from work and home in orderto relax and truly enjoy themselves; enjoyment is differentfrom satisfaction, which 1s may well feel at work. Inaddition, many 1s discover that they structure their awaytime as much as their at home or work time, so a vacationdoesn’t really feel like a vacation. It’s as if the constantremodeling of the house in order to improve it doesn’tallow any downtime to simply enjoy it.HonestyThe expectation or value of honesty runs deep inEnneagram 1s and also puts them in a complex dilemma.They hold honesty as a super-value, but they also have astrong orientation to being polite under almost allcircumstances. Living in the world of good and bad, alwaysand never, how can 1s be a “good person” and always beboth honest and polite at the same time. Sometimes what

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ResponsibilityOf course, it’s good to be responsible, but is it better to beuber-responsible? Enneagram 1s would say yes; being uber-responsible is what “good people” do. But here are some ofthe prices 1s pay for this belief; a loss of flexibility to changeplans or do something else that might be more effective orenjoyable; countless hours spent at work to get work doneright while others are home with their families or doingsomething to relax; a belief that fun and pleasure areseparate from work and that a person must earn relaxationby first being uber-responsible. However, the biggest pricepaid for being so extra-responsible is the 1s feelings ofresentment and even anger. In the world of Enneagram 1s,“good people” do not feel or show their anger. Here’s theparadox; the 1s uber-responsibility sets up a situationwhere they are going to feel constantly resentful that theyare working so much more or at such a higher standardthan others. And they then have to suppress theirresentment in order to maintain their “good person” honest may not be perceived as polite and what is politemay not be entirely honest. This polite-honest dilemmacan cause 1s internal heartache, heartburn, or both. Inaddition, type 1’s primary defense mechanism is reactionformation. Simply defined, reaction formation involvesfeeling or thinking one thing, but behaving in the exactopposite manner. In reaction formation, 1s are not awarein the exact moment that they are demonstrating theopposite of what they think and feel, but may recognizethis discrepancy later on. However, reaction-formationbehavior puts type 1s out of integrity with their value ofhonesty. And when they become aware of this, 1s can beharsh with themselves or self-critical.

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What is described above requires a great deal of innercontrol and effort, and the lid will blow eventually.

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Enneagram 2s emphasize three important values: service,compassion and kindness. They often think or say thefollowing: “Others always come before me.” “I mustunderstand the suffering of others and support themthrough this.” “To think or feel negatively about others –and especially to act negatively toward another – isunkind.” Enneagram 2s also take pride in never beingselfish; trying to attribute positive motivations to otherswhenever possible, or at least explaining another’s poorbehavior as the result of extenuating circumstances; andfeeling they should try to offer resources – for example,time, money, food, support etc. – to those in need.These three values – service, compassion and kindness –support the Enneagram 2 “ego ideal” of being the “lovingperson,” a person who is here to provide love and supportto all in his or her reach. ServiceService to others is, of course, admirable and is also animportant part of both embracing the human condition andsupporting its improvement. It is a counterpoint to aprimarily self-centered or self-oriented way of life. So whatis the downside for Enneagram 2s? An adherence to service The value of values | type 2

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to others has several non-useful results: 2s lose touch withthemselves, including their own feelings, desires, wants,and needs; 2s start to think they are superior to othersbecause they sacrifice their own needs on behalf of others;and 2s assume that they are not-at-all self-oriented becausethey miss the point that this service is not without apayback. The payback for 2s is an inflated self-worth.CompassionHeartfelt compassion for another person is a gift, but toomuch compassion can get Enneagram 2s into difficulties.Here are some of the challenges 2s experience from beingso compassionate: 2s can become empathic sponges,taking on the feelings of others because their emotionalboundaries are not sufficiently strong; 2s canunintentionally use other people’s deep feelings as a way tonot explore their own feelings in depth, which is related totheir primary defense mechanism of repression, theholding down of their own feeling depth until theyeventually explode; and 2s can want this level ofcompassion from others – both toward themselves andothers – and feel deeply disappointed when this doesn’thappen. The 2 wonders, “Why can’t other people be asloving and compassionate as I am?”.KindnessKindness goes with love, and we name it loving kindness.But sometimes 2s can be kind more than they can afford tobe and more than they even want to be. 2s can give awaytheir time when they don’t have the time to give. At work, 2smay drop everything on their desk to support anotherperson who is stressed or overworked. When 2s do this,they also feel responsible for completing their own work aswell – and on time – so 2s can work themselves toexhaustion. In terms of finances, 2s may “lend” someone

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else money that the 2 actually needs for something thensuffer the consequences when the money is not returned.These examples are really about effective boundary setting,something which 2s have to work hard to create. And when2s say “no” to an explicit request or “no” to somethinganother needs but was not asked for, 2s have to deal withtheir internal guilt and feeling like they are not as generousor kind as their “ego ideal” would want them to think. Thisguilt can plague 2s as if they have done something unkindand deeply wrong, rather than their perceiving saying “no”as good boundary setting and self-caring.

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Enneagram 3s emphasize three important values:competency, recognition and success. They often think orsay the following: “People need to be effective in whateverthey do.” “It’s important for people to receiveacknowledgment and recognition for what they do.”“Success in whatever a person undertakes really matters;otherwise, why do it?” Enneagram 3s also take satisfactionin setting very clear goals, being able to quickly createeffective and efficient paths for goal accomplishment, andbeing responsive and adaptive to a variety of differentenvironments.These three values – competency, recognition and success –support the Enneagram 3 “ego ideal” of being the “effectiveperson,” a person who is capable to achieve whatever theyset their minds to do. CompetencySkill, capability, proficiency, aptitude, expertise, andexperience all contribute to helping an individual feel moreempowered and self-confident. These very samecharacteristics, taken at the team, community, or globallevels, contribute to increasing our effectiveness in The value of values | type 3

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organizations, families and even the pursuit of sociallyconscious endeavors.So what is the downside for Enneagram 3s? Anextraordinary emphasis on competence has several non-useful results: 3s can falsely believe that their entire worthis based on feeling and being perceived as competent, 3scan devalue themselves and others when they do notappear optimally competent, and 3s feel they must provetheir competence over and over again. The price paid by 3sis exhaustion and a lack of self-valuing.RecognitionRecognition and acknowledgment from self and othersfeels good. There is, more often than not, a scarcity ofpositive reinforcement, as people look to fix what is brokenrather than to affirm what is working well. However, hereare some of the challenges 3s experience from being sofocused on recognition: 3s become dependent on theperceptions and responses of others for their sense of self-value rather than finding this from within, 3s can lose touchwith what they really want particularly if it doesn’t bring theexternal recognition to which they’ve become accustomed,and 3s can feel conflicted when they are interested insomething that doesn’t bring with it external approval.Should they do it - should they not?SuccessFeeling successful and working toward successful outcomesis something everyone benefits from being able to do. Ourwork lives and personal lives are often enriched by thisability. But sometimes 3s do this to an extreme, definingthemselves as being of value when they can achieve and besuccessful, and defining themselves as failures when they

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cannot. In fact, not being successful, for 3s, is the equivalentto being a failure, and being a failure is equivalent to havingno value whatsoever. Feelings of failure can lead 3s into adeep hole of uncertainty, anxiety, lack of focus, and despair.

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Enneagram 4s emphasize three important values: beauty,authenticity and creativity. They often think or say thefollowing: “I crave that which is adds beauty to the world.”“Authenticity in everything you do is essential; you must beyour authentic self.“ “Creativity is a state of mind and stateof being. Do something different.” Enneagram 4s alsopursue self-expression, deeper meaning, symbols andsymbolism as they try to both find and pursue their truepath.These three values – beauty, authenticity and creativity –support the Enneagram 4 “ego ideal” of being the “originalperson,” a person who is different, unique, special or, inother words, one-of-a-kind. BeautyA world filled with beauty, aesthetics, and extremeattractiveness can be thrilling and deeply satisfying.Whether it is food, home, environment, art, music,architecture, parenting, work, clothing or more, whowouldn’t benefit from the pleasure of refined beauty? Sowhat is the downside for Enneagram 4s? An extremeemphasis on beauty has multiple challenges: beauty is The value of values | type 4

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often subjective and one person’s view of what is aestheticmay not align with another’s, thus setting up 4s forpotential disappointment should the 4 create somethingthat others do not affirm.4s can put unrelenting pressure on themselves toconstantly live their lives in a state of heightened aesthetics,and 4s can lose sight of the value – and even beauty – inthat which is simple and simply elegant.AuthenticityBeing authentic and living an authentic life is a value towhich many people aspire. This involves being real, beingtrue to yourself and your values – and knowing what theseare – plus letting down your mask, being vulnerable, beingfully present, knowing your true feelings at almost all times,and more.This is a very tall order! Here are some of the dilemmas 4sexperience from being so focused on authenticity: 4s endup engaging in a non-stop search for the answers to thequestion of authenticity and because this journey goesdeeper and deeper, the search is endless; 4s becomedissatisfied when they can’t quite accomplish and orcomplete this pursuit of authenticity, thus disabling themfrom actually accepting “what is”; and because 4s have ashifting interior landscape, their sense of a firm or constantauthenticity becomes challenging.Creativity4s perceive things differently from most people, but theyalso perceive things differently from one another. No 4 islike any other 4. A world without creativity would be a lessglorious and less exciting world. But 4s can emphasize

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creativity to such an extent that they can overdo theirefforts for the sake of being original when something morepractical would be more effective. 4s can also work so hardto put their own personal experience in universal terms,when it is really only personal and not universal. When thishappens, 4s get deeply disappointed, feel misunderstood,and can even become angry at others or at themselves.

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Enneagram 5s emphasize three important values:autonomy, knowledge and wisdom. They often think or saythe following: “I can’t and shouldn’t rely on others; I takecare of myself.” “Data and logic are the only trustworthyforms of knowledge; the rest is subjective.“ “Once I knoweverything that really matters, I will be deeply satisfied andfulfilled.” Enneagram 5s also highly protect their privacy,guard against depletion, and are often highly introspectiveand insightful.These three values – autonomy, knowledge and wisdom –support the Enneagram 5 “ego ideal” of being the “wiseperson,” a person who is observant, intellectual andcomplex and never ignorant, transparent or inattentive. AutonomyWhat is autonomy, and why does it matter? Somesynonyms include being self-sufficient, self-determining,independent, self-reliant and self-supporting. Autonomyalso connotes only being beholden to oneself; it might evensuggest freedom from social constraints. But an insistenceon autonomy comes at a price for 5s: disengagement fromother people, events, and social interactions; separation The value of values | type 5

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from oneself and one’s environment: a lonely, althoughsafe, place to exist; and the experience of near or completedepletion, which is the result of relying solely on one’s ownresources that can and will dry out if not replenished.KnowledgeWhat is knowledge, and why does it matter? Knowledge isoften thought of as facts and information, but it is also skillsand the knowledge of how to execute these skills.Synonyms include understanding, comprehension, grasp ofmaterial, the condition of knowing something. Knowledge isalso a step advanced beyond only facts or data. It is also theability to digest facts and data into a more complex way ofunderstanding patterns, cause and effect relationships, andunderlying principles. But overvaluing or relying onknowledge comes at a price for 5s. A big price is theiremotional experience. While most 5s do experience theirfeelings, they do this in delayed time rather than as they areoccurring. In addition, overvaluing knowledge has themundervaluing their own emotional responses as well asthose of others. In fact, many 5s become veryuncomfortable when others express themselvesemotionally. An over-emphasis on knowledge also comeswith an undervaluing of direct experience.WisdomWhat is wisdom, and why does it matter? Wisdom is ahigher-order state than knowledge, and, at the same time,wisdom is based on knowledge and not just intellectualknowledge. Wisdom is insight based on knowledge from thehead, heart and body, followed by the ability to take wiseaction. Wisdom is thus a higher state of consciousness, withthe ability to discern through knowledge, insight andperceptiveness. Above all, it is excellent judgment with clear

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sight and foresight. So what is the challenge for 5s?Essentially, the way in which 5s pursue wisdom is throughthe mind alone, partially or entirely neglecting the heart aswell as first-hand experience. This approach can only leadto partial or incomplete wisdom at best. At worst, it canlead to a variation of “spiritual bypass,” where the personthinks because they are wiser than others - a misguidedview that they are fully conscious and evolved.

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Enneagram 6s emphasize three important values: loyalty,trustworthiness, and perseverance. They often think or saythe following: “Loyalty is my most important value; withoutloyalty, you can’t count on people.” “I either over-trust orunder-trust or both but being able to trust another personis central to any relationship. “I stick with things, whetherit’s a job, a relationship, or more. This is an asset and aliability.” Enneagram 6s have a strong antenna for hiddenagendas in others, imagine future scenarios in terms ofwhat could go wrong – because they so much want thingsto go well – and tend to be witty about people and reality asthey see it .These three values – loyalty, trustworthiness, andperseverance – support the Enneagram 6 “ego ideal” ofbeing the “loyal person,” a person who is careful, reliableand committed and never inconsistent or difficult, unlessthe 6 is more counterphobic. Counterphobic 6s will tend tobe more rebellious and even reckless, throwing caution tothe wind in search of being adrenalized. The value of values | type 6

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LoyaltyWhat is loyalty from the perspective an Enneagram 6? It is astrong feeling of support: something crucial for Enneagram6s as they seek support and constancy in an ever-changingand unpredictable world. Loyalty helps them feel safe or, atleast, safer. Loyalty also connotes a commitment toindividuals, groups and causes. Loyal people are people youcan count on. But an insistence on loyalty comes at a pricefor 6s. When 6s perceive another person as loyal to them orthe team and when 6s maintain their loyalty to anotherperson, team or cause, 6s can be blinded to informationthat could and should have them back away from theiradherence to being loyal. My brother, an Enneagram 6,loyally used an accountant’s services for his taxes for over30 years.This brother is on a very small, fixed income, whichobviously was known to the accountant. One year, mybrother said he was stressed because he wasn’t sure hehad the funds to pay the accountant, a “wonderful” personwho had not raised his rates in 30 years. When I asked howmuch money was needed, my brother told me theaccountant was charging the same amount my accountantwas charging me, even though I make more money andhave many more sources of income, hence more complextaxing data. It took 4 more months for my brother to evenentertain the idea that the accountant had taken unfairadvantage and to even consider changing providers, whichhe did and cut his cost by 66%. To this day, my brother isstill loyal to the old accountant, perceiving him as a reallygood person.

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TrustworthinessWhat is trustworthiness from the perspective anEnneagram 6? Trustworthiness means that the otherperson can be relied on to be honest, truthful and do whatthey say they will do. In other words, you keep yourpromises with no deception.6s want to be able to count on people and to believe inthem, and trustworthiness is a key factor. 6s are looking forcomplete trust. But overvaluing trust comes at a big pricefor 6s. Looking for people who are 100% honest, authentic,humble, genuinely confident, courageous and consistent isa tall order. It’s not that these qualities are the problem. It isthe 100% that is the issue. What happens with 6s is thatthey tend to idealize those who they trust, as if theseindividuals actually are 100% of all these excellent qualities,but then find that few people actually are, primarilybecause we are human, but also because the 6s may haveover-trusted the person or group to begin with. The fallfrom the 6s’ grace is steep, causing a deep, disturbing andvolatile severance of the relationship.PerseveranceWhat is perseverance from the perspective an Enneagram6? It is the continued attention and effort in doingsomething despite difficulties, opposition, and obstacles,both large and small.It is prolonged tenacity without giving up. While this is arare quality in most people, in 6s, it is both a virtue and acurse. To stick with something important is noble, but tostick with something that is not that important brings only

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frustration and questionable outcomes. What else could the6s have done with his or her time, attention and effort?What is the price paid for unyielding pursuit of a course ofaction? In other words, it is important to know “when tohold and when to fold.”

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Enneagram 7s emphasize three important values: energy,optimism, and pleasure. They often think or say thefollowing: “I need to keep my energy high and also do thesame for those around me.” “Why worry when you can behappy!” “Variety is the spice of life; I need to keep myselfconstantly stimulated.” Enneagram 7s intensely dislikerestrictions or anything they believe curtails their freedom,are able to instantaneously integrate seemingly disparateideas into new whole ideas, dislike being bored, arecontagiously engaging, and often move in multipledirections simultaneously.These three values – energy, optimism, and pleasure –support the Enneagram 7 “ego ideal” of being the “joyfulperson,” a person who is upbeat, spontaneous – somemight call impulsive, inventive, adventurous, light-hearted. EnergyWhat is energy from the perspective an Enneagram 7? Itmeans liveliness, animation, high spirits, continuousenthusiasm, effervescence and an endless source of fuelpropelling them into excitement. Although these qualities The value of values | type 7

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are affirming and entrancing, keeping this up 24/7 is quiteanother matter. Feeling you must be constantly vibrant,even when you may not feel this way, is demanding.OptimismWhat is optimism from the perspective of an Enneagram 7?Many psychologists write that we should all strive to beoptimistic: full of good cheer and positivity. Butpsychologists don’t mean that we should aspire to be happyat all times, even in the face of difficult situations.Psychologists would say, “Deal with your issues as theyarise and move on; avoiding challenging feelings by simplybeing positive about almost everything is really not thesame as genuine development and growth.” For Enneagram7s, the super optimism is not the same as true happiness orjoy. For 7s, the super optimism can be an avoidance ofsadness, fear, and even anger, all of which are humanemotions that need to be experienced and worked withconstructively to move toward greater satisfaction andwholeness. The super optimism of 7s also causes them toimmediately reframe something they perceive as negativeinto something positive. The result is that 7s don’t stay withhuman experiences that they would need to explore andaddress if they want to truly grow.PleasureWhat is pleasure from the perspective an Enneagram 7?Although pleasure can be defined by anyone, no matter theperson’s Enneagram type, as the pursuit and experience ofdelight, fulfillment and contentment, for 7s pleasure is theneed for continuous stimulation, the pursuit of constantvariety so as not to be bored or to have to deal with sorrowand fear, and the need to grab what they need in the

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moment, sometimes without regard to the consequences.This can cause others to perceive 7s as not serious enoughin terms of gravitas or a someone with whom they cannothave deep and sustained conversations.

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The value of values | type 8Enneagram 8s emphasize three important values: boldness,challenge, and justice. They often think or say the following:“Be big or go home.” “If you have something big you needdone, give it to me.” “The world must be just and fair; I needto make sure this happens.” Enneagram 8s protect theinnocent, and, at the same time, they intensely dislikeweakness in others. No challenge is really too big for them,but a task too small is not of interest to them. These three values – boldness, challenge, and justice –support the Enneagram 8 “ego ideal” of being the “powerfulperson,” a person who is big enough to save the city, canprotect others who need their support, and who has aninstinct for truth-telling.BoldnessWhat is boldness from the perspective an Enneagram 8? Itmeans being big at almost all times, being ready for thenext large effort or initiative that might feel daunting tomost others, and never showing your weakness orvulnerability. It also means staying “powered up” most ofthe time or being ready to do so at a moment’s notice.

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While being this big and bold can feel powerful and full ofembodied energy, this way of being is quite demanding ofthe person who believes they must do it. Where is thedowntime or rest? Who do they go to for support when theyneed it? Who is big and bold enough to be there for them?ChallengeWhat is challenge, and what is a challenge from theperspective of an Enneagram 8? In general terms, achallenge is a call or the impetus to take part incompetition, but particularly a duel. A challenge is also tocall into question the truth or veracity of something, and todo so in a strong, forward-moving way. It can also be tomove toward something in the context of moving against orbeing oppositional to a person, an event or an idea. It is toconfront something and be provocative. All of thesedefinitions apply to the 8’s perspective on challenge. Theissue is that 8s engage in challenges as a fuel for their lifeforce and vitality. As such, 8s engage in challenges sofrequently – monthly, weekly, daily and even hourly – thatalmost everything feels like a challenge both energizesthem and can also exhaust them. And is everything really achallenge and at what cost? There can be a cost to the 8 interms of being internally peaceful and accepting what is,but also in terms of relaxing mentally, emotionally andsomatically. There can also be a relational cost for 8s. Many8s wonder why others can feel intimidated by them - anissue when this may not be what 8s want, especially frompeople with whom they would like to have a closerrelationship.JusticeWhat is justice from the perspective an Enneagram 8?Justice in general is a value most people share. Why?

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Because justice means fairness, impartiality, lack ofprejudice and open-mindedness. And the pursuit of justiceis fundamental to Enneagram 8s. However, in the world ofthe 8, they not only perceive injustice readily, but they alsomove toward action quickly to remedy an unjust situation.When 8s do this, their forward movement may be reactiveand stronger than the situation calls for. Metaphorically, anail requires a hammer, but a thumbtack usually onlyneeds a push from a finger. In addition, 8s sense injustice inwhat feels to them to be a truthful way: emanating fromtheir gut instinct indicating what is just and what is not.However, our guts can be selective - even the gut instinctsof the 8. In addition, the 8s perspective on justice is that thescale of injustice must be remedied, and 8s often believe itis their job to provide the remedy. This can leave themquite alone, at times, as others can perceive the 8s behavioras being based on insufficient information or as being moresubjective than objective.

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Enneagram 9s emphasize three important values:consensus, harmony, and respect. They often think or saythe following: “We are in this together.” “The absence oftension and conflict allows everyone to get along in apeaceful way.” “Rudeness is not OK; everyone needs to betreated with respect.” Enneagram 9s appear relaxed, easy-going and non-judgmental, experience themselves as not-driven by ego, and are generally humble, sometimes to theextent of being self-effacing.These three values – consensus, harmony, and respect –support the Enneagram 9 “ego ideal” of being the “peacefulperson,” a person who is kind, unpretentious, accepting,tolerant and content with what is. ConsensusWhat makes consensus so important for Enneagram 9s?Isn’t consensus important in a civilized society, a team infamilies so that everyone has input or agrees with what willhappen next? Consensus, as opposed to arbitrary or unilateral action,does create buy-in, offers the space for differing views to The value of values | type 9

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be expressed and integrated, and can provide an alignmentbetween and among those involved in moving forward.Consensus has its pitfalls. Sometimes a consensuallyagreed-upon response may have agreement, but it may notbe the optimal course of action. For 9s, placing such a highvalue on consensus can be a distraction so that the 9 doesnot have to identify or disclose their own positions, feelingsand ideas. Not being forthcoming in this way takes 9s in theopposite direction of what is best for their own growth – togo inside, become embodied, know what they want, andthen take action. Consensus is safe, but it may not alwaysbe wise.HarmonyWhat makes harmony so important for Enneagram 9s?Harmony in life, as in music, sounds good, feels goodemotionally, and generally makes the body feel in sync.Above all, the harmonic effect is pleasing; the parts seem tofit together without tension. As a way of life for Enneagram9s, a harmonic existence is one in which there is little or noconflict, where everyone gets along in a peaceful way. Thereis even-temperedness, orderliness, and unity. Nothingreally dramatic happens either. All is copacetic, meaning“just fine.” But is it? What is lost is speaking up, finding yourvoice, engaging with others in deeper and more dynamicway, and experiencing the value and vibrancy of conflictwhen fully discussed and resolved.RespectWhat makes respect so important for Enneagram 9s?Respect is about honoring each person’s value, listeningfully to everyone’s point of view, and treating others withpositive regard even when they do something you don’tlike. Respect is a central value for Enneagram 9s, and whenit is not present, the normally easy-going 9 experiences

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inner tension and also avoids people they perceive as rudeand disrespectful. Enneagram 9s also have very specificways in which they perceive rudeness in others.For example, someone not making eye contact when talkingwith another person can be perceived as rude. Or addingideas when another person is still talking can be consideredas rude. In both these case, however, a person may notmake eye contact for a variety of reasons, including somethat are cultural. A person may add something to an ideabefore the other person is finished may do so because theyare excited about what is being said, or in their culture, thisoverlapping conversation is the conversational norm andnot considered rude.

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