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PatienceThe Enneagram in Business Mini-Book©2023 The Enneagram in BusinessThe 3 P of coaching excellence:presence, patience, and practiceby Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhDPart TwoPP PS
During a past “Coaching with the Enneagram1.0” certificate program, one of the mostcoaching-savvy participants – an excellentcoach and an exemplary coachee – asked mewhat I thought were the most essentialingredients in an excellent coach, and Iresponded with these words: Presence,Patience and Practice.This mini-eBook is on Patience.
PatiencePatience is related to presence as a coach. A fullypresent coach is also in pure patience, not waiting untilsomething occurs, not driving toward a particular goalor outcome, and not experiencing anything as boringor not moving.People of almost every Enneagram type will say theyare not patient or have to work on being more patient,and this is also true when they coach. Some types willsay they are patient when they coach, but then theyreport trying to think about what they will say to theclient next while the client is talking or feeling like theclient is not moving fast enough or moving along thepath the coach might want. Or they may think they arebeing patient when they are in fact being lulled intotransactional coaching – lateral coaching rather thanvertical or deep coaching. Below are some examples ofnot-being patient by enneatype and some development ideas. For additional ways how todevelop patience by type, please refer to the firsteBook on presence. A present coach is, by definition, apatient one!
One coaches like concreteness in methodology andcoaching plans so that when they first reach acoaching agreement with a client, their gut tells themthere is a right way to do the coaching, achieve theplan and then their head figures out what this is. Then,One coaches become impatient when the client is notfollowing the plan, balks at the methodology, or wantsto go in a different direction in terms of the coachingprocess. One coaches also become impatient whenthe client doesn’t seem to really want to improve verymuch; self-improvement, in the mind of the Onecoach, should always be the goal.Find patience by allowing the coaching process tounfold with no forcing or judging. Hold space for yourclient and support their journey, determined by them,instead of providing or energetically pushing towards apre-determined path. Trust that the imperfection ofthe process creates the ideal opportunities for yourclient.Type One
Two coaches may appear quite patient, but theybecome less so if the client “doesn’t seem to ‘get it’” ordoesn’t appear willing to do the inner and outer workneeded to achieve their goals. Even worse is a clientwho seems stuck in their issues and says they want tochange something, but appears either unable or, evenworse, unwilling to do so. “Why am I wasting my timeon you?” is what the Two coach may be feeling, even ifthey aren’t fully aware of this.Find patience by releasing your sense of self in theprocess. Be aware where your pride as a “successfulhelper” might be coming into play. Provide your clientthe freedom to move through the coaching processwithout expectations that they take advantage of the“help” you are providing.Type Two
Three coaches almost always revert to goal and plan.That’s how they work. The fastest way to the goal thatgets the job done is what they think will make theirclient more effective. They may not realize it, but Threecoaches usually want to get right to the plan and resultwith the client, often skipping over all the data,knowledge and insight they and the client need waybefore a full plan with action can and should beestablished. Thus, they become impatient with the fulldiscovery and awareness needed.Find patience by relaxing into your client’s naturalrhythm. Match their breathing pattern, be aware oftheir energy level, and listen to the verbal andnonverbal information to gauge the pace they arecomfortable with. Release your effort to “move thingsalong” and allow the sessions to flow freely.Type Three
Four coaches become highly impatient when the clientdoesn’t get to the deepest issues involved in coaching.They want as close to 100% of the coaching to be real,deep, and authentic. But some clients need more time,are more private and less emotional, and need todevelop trust with their coach.Find patience by trusting that even the “surface” levelissues belong, whether they provide the client a safeplace, allow for a slow entry to deeper issues, orcontain important insights woven into “shallow”details. Support all sharing without assessing theworth of the content.Type Four
Five coaches get impatient when their clients explorefeelings that seem, to the Five, highly charged. Really, itis a combination of feeling anxious about how to beand how to work with this, combined with a devaluingof the importance of emotions in solving issues orproblems. This anxiety with and lack of valuing feelingsas much as logic lead to impatience.Find patience by welcoming all emotions and allowingspace for you and your client to experience thesefeelings without switching to logic or problem solving.Celebrate your client’s openness and their willingnessto be vulnerable in your presence. Type Five
Six coaches get frustrated when they don’t understandwhat is happening or know what to do, and this canlead to impatience or even irritation and anger withtheir clients. Six coaches will have many reasons toexplain their impatience, but impatience it is!Find patience by understanding that you don’t have toknow what to do. Acknowledge this is your client’sjourney and they are the ones to figure out thesolutions. Helping them clarify their thoughts willprovide important insights, so your “confusion” can bemore effective than your “knowing.”Type Six
Seven coaches like interesting stories, fast-pacedconversations, and want to move to possibilities. Whenclients talk more slowly, engage in deeper self-reflection and are quiet – so it may appear to theSeven coach as if nothing is happening when, in fact, alot may be occurring – Sevens get impatient. Theyfidget, change the topic of discussion, or even drift offto something more interesting in their minds.Find patience by valuing the work at hand, which maybe simply providing space for quiet introspection.Instead of moving into what might happen next, orshould happen next, keep shifting back into thepresent moment. Let each moment with your clientfeel valuable.Type Seven
Eight coaches get highly impatient when they think theclient isn’t telling the truth, isn’t taking responsibilityfor his or her actions, is taking too long to get to thepoint, and when they don’t think anything important ishappening in the coaching (even if it is, but the Eightcoach doesn’t perceive it).Find patience by seeing that there is important truth inall that is being shared, even if the client isn’t tellingthe truth or taking responsibility in their actions. Knowthat all insights you gain, no matter how they arepresented, are important. Be open to the small andhidden messages.Type Eight
Nine coaches rarely appear impatient externally, butinside is another story. They become impatient whenthey don’t understand what the client is saying, whenthey perceive the coaching as losing its direction, whenthe client complains too much or too often, and more.Find patience by strengthening the respect andacceptance of your client and what they are sharing,even if it is confusing, complaining, or scattered.Release any agitation over their “poor behavior” andfocus on their willingness to enter the coachingrelationship and any growth they are making. Type Nine
ABOUT THE ENNEAGRAM IN BUSINESSEstablished in 2004 by Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, The Enneagram inBusiness offers excellent quality, state-of the-art products and services.Our vision is to help elevate consciousness globally using theEnneagram integrated with other innovative approaches; our mission isto provide an abundance of Enneagram-based resources for use aroundthe world. These include the following:» Nine Enneagram books, including several best sellers» Full-color Enneagram training tools, both in hard copy and virtual formats» Global Enneagram certification programs for consultants, trainers, andcoaches» Premier leadership development and team development offerings» Training, coaching and consulting services, both virtual and in-person» A comprehensive, interactive online Enneagram Learning Portal (ELP)» A global network of over 70 top-quality Enneagram professionals(EIBN)ENNEAGRAM BOOKS by Ginger-Lapid-BogdaBringing Out the Best in Yourself at WorkWhat Type of Leader Are You?Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You CoachThe Enneagram Development GuideConsulting with the EnneagramThe Enneagram Coloring BookThe Art of TypingThe Art of the Enneagram (co-authored with Russell Tres Bogda)Transform Your Team with the EnneagramTheEnneagramInBusiness.com | EnneagramLearningPortal.com |info@TheEnneagramInBusiness.com | 510.570.2971