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©2024 The Enneagram in BusinessThe Enneagram in Business Mini-Bookby Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhDFixationsHabits of Mind flatterypartTWO
In the Enneagram system, Fixations, or habits of mind, areconsidered the key mental patterns or compulsions thatcharacterize each of the nine personality types. Thesefixations are essentially thought patterns that can lead toimbalances or challenges in how individuals perceivethemselves, others, and the world. Understanding andaddressing these fixations is a central part of using theEnneagram for personal growth. Why is it important to recognize that all of us engage in thehabits of mind normally associated with specificEnneagram styles? By studying all the Fixations, not just theone associated with our type, we can become aware ofhow that fixation may distort our behavior and worldview,leading to many powerful paths for self-development. In part two of this nine book series, you’ll read how each ofthe nine Enneagram types engage in the Fixation ofFlattery.Flattery: the gaining ofacceptance through givingcompliments or other forms ofattention to others
Type TwoWe typically associate Flattery with Twos,because it is the fixation or repeating mentalpattern for Enneagram Twos.Here are just some ways in which Twos engagein thinking that leads to Flattery:Flattery to be available to serve: Thinking about what aperson might need from themFlattery to avoid feelings of selfishness: Thinking thatthey should do something they really don’t want to do andthen doing it, all so they won’t feel like a selfish personFlattery by over-focusing on others: Thinking throughhow to engage another in conversation about him or herand not at all about the TwoHabits of Mind
Type threeThrees also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery by insincere interest: Thinking about how tocreate a positive impression in another’s eyes by pretendingto be more interested in the other person than they actuallyareFlattery to gain status: Thinking through how to engagefamous or important people so that some of their celebrityrubs off on themFlattery to maintain image or relationship: Not sharingall of their thoughts (particularly the negative ones) aboutanother person out of concern of disrupting their image ortheir relationshipflattery
Type fourFours also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery through adulation: After comparing themselvesto others and coming up deficient in their own minds,thinking overly positive thoughts about the other personFlattery by false interest: Acting interested, makingconversation, and paying attention to another when whatthey are really thinking is that they want to disengageFlattery by accepting others’ feedback over your own:Assuming (introjecting) something another says about themas if it is truer than their true self-knowledge (Isn’t it a formof flattery to honor someone else’s opinion over your own,when you know more about yourself and your intentionsthan this person?)Habits of Mind
Type fiveFives also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery by seeing others as “superior” because of interpersonal skills: Thinking there is something wrongwith them for not liking “small talk” when others seem to likeit just fine (flattering by thinking there is something “right”with the other)Flattery by staying in conversations: Continuing aconversation with someone about a topic they have littleinterest inFlattery by withholding knowledge: Deciding to notshare information they actually do have because they don’tthink they know enough about the topic, yet still beingpresent in a conversation with others who may know lessthan they doflattery
Type sixSixes also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery by venerating others: Mentally idealizing peoplewho they want to think are all “good”Flattery through overly-positive comments: Thinking andmaking “nice” comments that may not be entirely accuratein order to placate others or keep the peaceFlattery by withholding feedback: Thinking it’s not OK tosay what they really think to someone when anticipating apossible negative reactionHabits of Mind
Type sevenSevens also engage in flattery in multipleways, including:Flattery by over-valuing engaging ideas: Thinking abouta possibility suggested by another merely because itengages them and the other, not because it was a verygood idea at allFlattery by creating positivity through reframing:Reframing a comment made by another that was actuallydisparaging, but making it seem to themselves and othersthat it was a kind and generous statementFlattery toward authority figures to equalize power:Thinking (often unconsciously) about how to befriendauthority figures through forms of flattering attention as away to neutralize (in the Seven’s mind) the authority’spotential ability to limit the Seven's freedom in any wayflattery
Type eightEights also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery to gain strategic advantage: Thinkingstrategically about how to “win over” a potential opponentthrough flattering him or her and appealing to that person’sego or self-interestFlattery by avoiding negativity: Thinking that it is betterto not say something that could be construed as negative,thus using deletion as a form of flatteryFlattery through false interest: Acting completelyinterested in someone and then abruptly disappearing or“dropping” from engagement (which raises the question ofthe degree of sincerity of the interest in the first place)Habits of Mind
Type nineNines also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery by remaining engaged: Staying in conversationsand even engaging in them far longer than the discussionor person is interesting, thinking about how to continue it soas not to be rudeFlattery by over-valuing opinions: Thinking about how todraw out the opinions of others, even when the otherperson is not a particularly effective or insightful thinkerFlattery by providing unearned personal resources:Thinking about how to offer time, energy, and resources tosomeone about whom they don’t have a high opinion oreven care about, just to be a “nice” person and avoidconflictflattery
Type OneOnes also engage in flattery in multiple ways,including:Flattery by insincere politeness: Thinking about how tobe polite and well-mannered toward others in cases wherethey actually prefer not to do thisFlattery by excusing poor behavior because ofperceived excellence: Making logical excuses for thepoor character or behavior of another because this personexhibits some quality of excellenceFlattery to avoid acknowledging or experiencing anger: Deleting negative thoughts about someone theydespise as a way to not experience their anger toward thisperson (aka reaction formation)Habits of Mind
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